Coupon Laws

One time I saw a coupon for sunblock. And on the coupon, it said, “Limit of one coupon per purchase. Limit of 8 identical coupons per household per day. Any other use constitutes fraud.” Very interesting. According to coupon law, if you have nine of that coupon, you can’t use all of them. You have to use eight coupons, and buy eight bottles of SPF 40 sunblock. Which means if you go to the beach afterwards, you’ll only have enough sunblock to cover your body 762 times. You won’t have enough for that 763rd coat that’s recommended by dermatologists. The next day, someone will say to you, “Wow. That’s some sunburn you got. How’d you get it?” And you’ll tell him, “It’s those damn coupon limits. They’re gonna give me skin cancer.”

The really bizarre thing about that coupon limit is that it’s not 8 per person. It’s 8 per household. In other words, the company doesn’t want you to conspire with another member of your household to bypass the limit. That’s why the coupon says, “Limit of 8 identical coupons per household per day. Any other use constitutes fraud.” It says fraud! It uses the word fraud. That’s some serious terminology for a coupon. Ordinarily, when you’re mentioning something that “constitutes fraud,” you’re talking about some guy embezzling $200 million from the Red Cross. As opposed to Charlotte and Brianna Darchinyan trying to score nine bottles of discount Banana Boat Ultra Mist. One time I watched the news, and they said, “The Darchinyan sisters are at it again! Their household used 15 identical coupons!”

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