We don’t need that many football stats

Sometimes you’re watching a football game, and the announcer just goes ahead and gives you the most meaningless stat imaginable. The stat has no significance whatsoever, and you’re not really even sure what the stat is. A pass is completed–and after the play, the announcer says, “This is the eighth time in three years that Rodgers has completed more than two passes to a tight end named DeMarcus or MeJarcus in the third quarter of a home game where the windchill factor was an integer whose cosine has a hypotenuse higher than 1.21 jigawatts.” I should call up the announcer and ask him, “What in the blue moon does that even mean?” And he’ll say, “It means that we’re wasting your time and killing your brain cells by giving you nonsensical numbers.”


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