What is and isn’t a salad

People really misuse the word salad. Fruit salad, tuna salad, bean salad, potato salad. You got a plate filled with 800 calories of mayonnaise–and you think that qualifies as a salad?! Apparently, anything can be a salad, as long as someone eats it with a fork or a spoon. “Waiter. Let me get a glazed…

The Greatest Diet in the World

This is the only diet that is scientifically proven to work. First take your weight, divide it by the circumference of your waist, and then divide that by the birthday of your cousin Beatrice. The number you’re left with is your BFYTMN, or your Body Fructose Yokohama Tire Model Number. If your BFYTMN is higher…

Brian Regan – Cranberry Juice

I don’t know what in the hell’s going on with cranberries, but they’re getting in all the other juices. Whoever the salesman is for cranberries is doing a great job. He’s showing up everywhere. “Hey, what do you got, some apples? Put some cranberries in there. We’ll call it cran-apple and go 50-50. What do…